It started on a random day in January, 2000-something… I was sitting in my chair, in my living room, scrolling on my phone, anxiety-ridden and frustrated with how I felt! It struck me that rather than drowning in my phone I could, at least, move while trying to escape into my mind. I decided, in that moment, to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes, and committed to myself that I would learn how to make that a habit!
I had been overweight for years- the result of having two babies, an unhealthy diet, and a sedentary job. I say this, not because this was the sole reason for my decision to start moving, but it has bearing on the overall motivation for my continued journey. The real trigger was my “anxiety” - in quotes because I do not have a clinical diagnosis, nor do I want to presume I understand what real and severe anxiety feels like. But, to me, at the time, I was facing a level of stress I had not previously experienced, and much of my time was spent just ruminating in thoughts over and over, again. I needed something that was going to occupy my time better than what I had been doing. Afterall, the experts say exercise produces all the amazing ‘feel good’ chemicals for your brain, right?
My journey was slow… I started out, as I said, completing 30 minute walks, 3-4 times per week. Somewhere in month 2, I began adding faster intervals. But seriously, I think my first interval was like 30 seconds and when I say fast, please note that was a 4.0 pace from my standard walking at a 3.5. Like, I barely made it faster. But, I gradually did this until I could do a 5 minute interval (still probably around a 4.3-4.5). Honestly, it took months to get to that point, but what I was slowly starting to see is that I was doing it! I was able to repeatedly convince myself to take the 30 minutes and move. I even began feeling a sense of accomplishment once it was complete. Something in that self-feedback loop kept me on track!
I gradually increased the amount of time I ran vs. walked. At some point, I decided that if I’m running the workout should be 45 minutes, mostly so I could have a warm up and cool down period. It took a full year for me to be able to run for a consecutive 30 minutes. I’d make progress, back-slide and have to get after it, again. However, by the end of the year, I was in it and it was making me feel good. I’d lost about 20 lbs, and I felt strong!
I am sharing this journey to help anyone that may be thinking about starting some exercise, but also knows how hard it is going to be. I’m not a fitness influencer, and I have no visions of ever being one. I’m just a woman, a mom, a human who decided to get up and move and maybe there is something about my story that helps you feel a little more motivated, or a little less intimidated. It’s ok if your journey isn’t perfect, if you’re nervous, if you don’t see the result(s) you want by next week. Do what you can, when you can. Believe me, the biggest thing I realized in this process was how much of a mental game this was for myself- it was 10% physical ability and 90% convincing myself I could take the next step! With that said, that last bits of my story include some bullet points of that mental game: what I tried and stopped, what experiments finally worked, and how I keep at it:
- I’ve been at this for several years now- you know that runner’s high you hear about? I have NEVER experienced it! Not once, ever… I’m jealous of those people. They actually find enjoyment in their runs. To this day, when people say to me, “Oh, you like to run?” My immediate response is, “Nope, I hate it. But I recognize that it works, so I keep at it.” I once had a colleague tell me they read that the ‘runner’s high’ is genetic, which helped me feel a little less broken (I never did further research to determine if this is true- just believing it has helped!) You’re not alone, if you don’t find elation in your exercise regimen!
- At this point you’re probably wondering why I did all this on a treadmill. Anyone know how boring a treadmill is??? I forgot to mention that I live in Maine and am the furthest thing from ‘outdoorsy’ that you can imagine. Truth be told, I had tried running in the past- I’d get myself to a decent place by the end of the summer, but the moment it started getting colder, or if it was raining, or it was bug season…. all the horrible outside things that one encounters, I quickly gave up! A bit of a vicious cycle. So, I told myself that if I was going to make this stick, then I needed to admit that I was a fair weather girl and forget about enjoying scenic walks. Please also know that my treadmill is an eyesore in the middle of my living room, and I refuse to move it because it needs to stare me in the face, every single day!
- The natural thing to do is watch tv while on the treadmill, right? I quickly learned that I needed something other than tv while I was running. Tv was ok for just walking, but once I picked up the pace, I couldn’t concentrate on the show and felt like I was missing out on something, I needed a new plan. That plan was music (didn’t have to be upbeat, anything would do)! Here is what I learned about myself with the music- I could easily identify how many more songs I needed to get through to finish! And, unlike a tv show, songs came in shorter intervals, so I felt like I was hitting milestones along the way. My crazy brain needed those multiple quick hits of dopamine!
- I refused to get side-tracked by other exercises. At one point, my partner had been doing private strength training classes and asked me to join him. I flat out refused until I felt like I had enough of a routine that I wouldn’t abandon it for something else. I could afford no shiny distractions. I will say that after 2 years or so, I finally gave in and went with him once per week and added some strength training. Honestly, I LOVED it! I didn’t realize how much I would enjoy that type of exercise, but it added a dimension to my fitness journey that helped me feel even stronger. Unfortunately, circumstances changed and we stopped doing this for the time being, but I will eventually get back to it. Running still remains the primary focus, though, and that still gets my attention 3-4 times a week!
- I got an Apple Watch- the satisfaction of logging that I did something paid off. Plus, I could take screen shots and prove to others that I did it, through social media posts. Again, dopamine hits from all the “Likes”!
- I did not set any aspirations about entering races! This was about me vs. me, and the thought of feeling like I needed to make it a competition with others was, quite frankly, exhausting.
Wrapping up this post, my final words are that through this journey I have come to understand that exercise helps! It boosts a mood, it keeps me in motion, it makes me physically stronger than I would have been. Find what works for you and do that- don’t worry about what everyone else is doing!
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